Parents, children should be more frank with each other: survey

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BEIJING, Aug. 10 -- A survey by the China Youth Daily found that 88.4 percent of the respondents think parents and children should be more frank with each other about their mishaps and real feelings.

It is common for Chinese parents and their adult children to tell each other only their good news and not the bad, for fear that the other side would be worried.

However, the survey found that not all respondents are supportive of such practices. Of the 2,008 respondents, 55.7 percent thought they would be under too much pressure if they do not share their stress with the other side, while 45.8 percent said holding back their unpleasant news would deprive the other side of the opportunity to know their true lives.

"Parents and their children would be estranged if they conceal difficulties from each other," said Chen Zhiyan, a professor with the Institute of Psychology of the China Academy of Sciences.

If parents keep the family's misfortunes, such as the decease of a family member and economic hardship, a secret from their children, the children would, when they find out later, feel guilty for having done nothing for their families at the most miserable time, Chen said.

Likewise, it is not necessary for children to pretend that things are always okay, said Xiao Wei who is working in Beijing. "Parents know you too well. Even if you say nothing at all, your parents can still sense the changes in your emotions through your mood and tones."

For Xiao, children rely on their parents and vise versa. "If children tell their parents only their good news, the parents may feel unneeded by their children, so the children should give their parents opportunities to be needed."