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How many 'Anna Kareninas' lost in marriage

(People's Daily Online)

15:24, November 05, 2012

(File Photo)

After the new version of "Anna Karenina" was screened, many people feel sorrow about the affair between Anna Karenina and Count Vronsky as well as the tragic marriage between Karenina and her husband Count Karenin. Modern men and women wrongly believe that they cannot find true love. Many of them are passionately in love with someone before marriage, but easily get lost in marriage.

Chinese real estate billionaire Wang Shi’s divorce recently caused quite a stir among the Chinese Internet users, and many netizens said worriedly, “I do not believe in love anymore.” Wang is a real estate developer rather than a missionary, and his divorce cannot really change many people’s outlook on marriage. It is the disintegration of the traditional Chinese marriage structure that has aroused public anxiety. Is love still a precondition for marriage? Is it still necessary to be faithful to one’s spouse to the end? Such questions have become the focus of discussion among Chinese netizens.

Chinese-style marriages that advocate a harmonious family used to be generally considered to be super stable. However, data from the Ministry of Civil Affairs showed that 465,000 Chinese couples divorced in the first quarter of 2011 alone, equivalent to a daily average of 5,000 divorces. China’s divorce rate had been on a steady rise for seven consecutive years as of 2011.

A writer said, “Over time, the two mutually complementary people slowly and willingly change themselves for the sake of loving each other.” After marriage, people should do subtraction in terms of emotions by removing their idealization and “edges and corners.” Life is full of realistic and trivial things, and a lasting marriage requires mutual tolerance and understanding.

If love is an adventure, blindly chasing love will be the biggest risk. When choosing a spouse, one should not indulge in wishful thinking or blindly keep up with the Joneses, and should know clearly who suits himself or herself the best. It is better to marry a right one than marry a rich one. Eminent French writer Victor Hugo said that love is a mix of all emotions, including admiration for the body and spirit. Therefore, self-restraint is also a major contributing factor to a happy marriage.

In order to resist the temptation of extramarital affairs, couples should constantly add fresh impetus to their marriages, develop common interests, and have more emotional exchanges with each other. Even spats may improve their relationship. In addition, it is necessary for one side to make a concession first and to allow each other some personal space.

What does marriage mean? For some, it means the beginning of a new family and new life as well as the continuation of love. For others, it means a shortcut to wealth and power as they believe a good marriage can save them at least 10 years of personal struggle. Certain male single billionaires in Guangzhou launched a campaign in 10 cities for finding a spouse, and their criteria involved appearance, educational background, and virginity, but did not include love. Such marriages are not just a matter of lack of love, but also a matter of shame.

Marriage is nothing but emotions, loyalty, and responsibility. Over time, one will find that they are all the spin-offs of love. “Marriage is immoral without love,” said German socialist theorist Friedrich Engels. In fact, marriage without love is bound to fail. Chinese society should adhere to freedom of marriage based on love.

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Leave your comment2 comments

  1. Name

Cleo at 2012-11-0968.173.181.*
I think it is okay to raise children to be unconcerned about love and focus on self-welfare in preparation/defense of the moment when they involuntarily realize that "uh, oh, I am in lurve." Just block out marriage and children totally because it is totally unnecessary unless it is totally irresistible.
Arthur Borges at 2012-11-0542.228.5.*
The French experience has been that 81% of divorce suits are filed by women, not men: women are no longer willing to put up with a job + housework + child rearing + a husband"s whining & jealousy. It"s better for them to kick out the husband and share custody. That way, they can come home, do the housework, then feed, wash and bed the kids without interference. Finally, because the husband gets the child(ren) every other weekend, they finally have Friday night to Sunday night for rest, recreation and fun.Two types of marriages last in France: (1) wife and husband have the same job, e.g. physician, police officer, street sweeper, (2) the wife is a full-time housewife who sincerely believes that "being a good mother is the noblest profession to which any woman can aspire."In other cases, as time goes by, either you see divorce (roughly 50% of marriages after 4 to 5 years), or you see the wife spending more time at the country cottage and the husband, staying in the city enjoying all of its, um... opportunities.Lifetime marriages also work well where the couple is in constant contact with the enlarged family, such that if there is a breakdown of communication between husband and wife, then the brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers and cousins all step in to mediate the breakdown and re-establish direct spouse/spouse communication.Obviously, with climbing home prices in the city, the cheapest solution is to house all the relatives in the country, but the price is that it weakens spouse/spouse communication, and therefor, it undercuts the viability of the marriage.

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