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Young Chinese couples struggle with seperation issues (6)

By Liu Zhihua (China Daily)

08:08, November 05, 2012

His wife, Liu Tao, has been running her early education startup in Changshu city in Jiangsu province since 2008. Changshu is about 115 km from Shanghai, where he works.

Both are kept busy with work, so they talk on the phone for about an hour on workday evenings and enjoy some quality time during the weekends with their 2-year-old daughter.

They may take a stroll, shop or make a day trip to nearby attractions, or just stay at home and enjoy each other's company.

However, life was not like this at the beginning when they were still trying to find that elusive balance.

"We quarreled a lot over trifles from the beginning to about a year after we started living apart," says Wu. "I guess that was because we were vulnerable to the pressure of our jobs. We were missing each other, but we couldn't help venting our frustrations by picking on each other and becoming very demanding."

It took a lot of effort to overcome the hurdles. Wu says he is glad that he persisted in making constant phone calls and communicating with his wife, especially when she was facing difficulties with her job. He did this even after they quarreled.

"We trusted each other's loyalty and maturity completely, but it was still hard to cope with the distance, and to be able to talk to each other effectively at the beginning," Wu says.

"It was her dream to have her own business, so I did my best to make her feel I will always support that. It worked."

Wu and Liu now tell each other their dreams, share the funny things that happen at work, talk about their parents and families - all on the phone.

"We are both very independent people, and very rational. When one of us feels exhausted or disappointed, the other is there to support and give suggestions."

To a certain extent, their combined efforts to make the marriage work have borne fruit. In early 2010, their daughter was born. Liu's business is off the ground, and a new baby is on the way.

They plan to return to Shanghai as soon as Liu's employees can take care of the business.

Chao Jie, the young public relations boss in Shanghai, also plans to move back with her husband as soon as possible.

They are on the right path, says Han Xueqing. "Even when it is necessary to live apart for some reason, it should only be a temporary arrangement. A couple should live together."

Contact the writer at liuzhihua@chinadaily.com.cn.

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