But in Beijing, where I don't have a car, I wear them all day every day from autumn to spring.
What the city lacks in snow, it overcompensates for with wind. And the more snow there is, the fewer cabs there are.
Just before the New Year, I spent nearly two hours hunting for a taxi as snowflakes fluttered like confetti. I'd left the office late, and the buses and subways were no longer running.
I bundled up as usual, including the double-layer of thermals, but was frozen after the first hour of waddling along the streets in search of a ride home.
My idea of hell isn't hot. It's cold. In Beijing, Jack Frost is less of an impish old saint nipping at your nose than a vicious demon chomping every inch of exposed flesh.
After midnight, I hopped a heiche (an illegal taxi) for 90 yuan ($14.50) - more than four times the usual cost of getting home.
The streets were lined with shivering souls prowling for cabs. One youth stood out - she was clad in a miniskirt and convulsing with gelidity. If her goal was to look hot, well, she failed in both senses: She appeared very cold and fairly foolish.
The younger generation of Chinese urbanites shuns thermals - called qiuku (autumn trousers) - because they're considered less-than-stylish.
But if being cool means being cold - make that cryogenic - I'm happy to be square. I'm not willing to suffer that way for fashion.
Speaking of which, I bought a new pair of thermal pants after enduring the zipper burn. I had noticed only the low price and large size in the store. When I put them on at home, my wife pointed out my posterior appeared ... puffy.
I came to realize this pair of thermal pants had a padded rear.
As far as I can guess, this could be for three reasons: They're devised to withstand a lot of sitting; they're designed to keep backsides warm; or, most likely, they're booty-enhancing women's wear.
That leaves me two choices - ditch them or buy a pair for every day of the week. The second option is, at least, still preferable to singeing myself.
Because until the winter season fashion trend in which business casual becomes a snowsuit, boots and an ushanka, I'm wearing thermals - no matter what they look like.
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