BEIJING, Feb. 13 -- Lu Jianping lives with a constant "torture of the soul".

As a law professor at Beijing Normal University, he believes the death penalty should be abolished. But as a death penalty case reviewer of the Supreme People's Court, he must often sign "Approved" - leading to someone's execution.

In 1979, then 16-year-old Lu went to Beijing's Renmin University from hometown Zhejiang Province. He majored in law, but never dreamed of working in a core position in China's judicial system.

As an intern at the procuratorate before graduation, he supervised the implementation of the death penalty with colleagues. According to Portrait Magazine, they witnessed events at Tianjin's Yangliuqing execution ground in 1983 when the government was cracking down hard on serious crimes.

"I saw convicts shot in the head and fall at my feet," Lu recalled. "The mud, brains and blood splashed on my pants."

The memories are indelible: "Some of them were not killed instantly and they struggled desperately, their arms and legs twitching on the grass."

After that, he wished for an end to the death penalty one day.

Lu has been a college professor and a part-time lawyer. From 2008, he served as deputy chief procurator for three years in Beijing' s Haidian District Procuratorate.

"Although I support repeal of the death penalty, I am also a deputy chief judge of the Supreme People's Court, appointed by the Standing Committee of the National People's Congress in 2012, and I must conduct cases involving the 55 capital offenses under the Criminal Law."

The job includes case instruction and inspection, judicial interpretation, and death penalty case reviews.

He first signed "Approved" in 2013. He had nightmares for a long time afterwards: "The accused walked outside the files in my dreams."

He clearly remembers a handsome Yi nationality youth whose photo stared at him from one case file. "He had more than 1,700 grams of drugs with him when the police caught him," Lu said. "He had the minimum amount with the biggest risk."

Colleagues encouraged Lu to be more detached in his job, but one case from Jiangxi Province reached the Supreme People's Court in 2013 - and caused him to question himself.