Seeing a young local woman in the company of an older Western man has become a common sight in Chinese cities.
One may wonder about the reasons that would cause a young woman to sacrifice her youth by marrying a gentleman as old as or even older than her father. Could it be pure love that is initiated by the romantic souls of those involved? Yes, that is a possibility.
However, in most cases, it is not.
Most experts in marriages and relationships, including myself, believe that one must be realistic when one selects one's partner. Partners must satisfy each other physically, stimulate one another mentally and fulfill each other emotionally.
Taking those factors into consideration, one can see clearly that in most cases the older men can't satisfy the physical needs of their young Chinese wives. They are often unable to connect with them mentally due to the lack of communication skills in Chinese or English of either partner. Without any doubt, communication is the foundation of any successful marriage.
As for the emotional fulfillment, most Chinese women think that having a baby is essential. However, most old Western men already had and raised their children, which makes them apprehensive about the idea of having children at their age.
I discussed the issue with some young Chinese women who had married or are looking for an old Western man in an attempt to understand their motives.
One young woman told me that in romantic books, Western men are always attentive to the needs of their women. She emphasized her belief that most Chinese men are ignorant when it comes to women's emotional needs.
I tried to explain to her that actual life is very different from movies and books. Another young woman told me that she was tired of the foolishness of young men and their irresponsible behavior.
Most of the women that I interviewed told me that they were motivated to marry an old man in order to immigrate to Canada or the US where lifestyles are wonderful. Very few of them emphasized that they only had to stay with their old Western husbands until they get the citizenship.
After securing their Canadian or American citizenship, they can divorce their husbands and find suitable men in their age range. Some insinuated that they were sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of securing the futures of their children. A couple of women emphasized the fact that by marrying a rich old Western man, they would have a comfortable life with no need to deal with the hassle of going to work every day.
As for the reasons that would prompt a Western man to marry a woman as young as his daughter or granddaughter, they varied from one man to another. I talked with an American man who is 66 years old and is married to a 29 years old Chinese woman. He only knows a few words in Chinese and she can say a few words in English.
Upon asking him his reasons for marrying a young lady who doesn't speak English, he said that his American ex-wife was a blabbermouth. Every day, she wanted to talk about her day, which gave him a headache. Now, he has a peaceful life. His wife does everything at home, leaving him enough time to follow his interests.
Another Canadian gentleman said that he will never be able to marry a Canadian woman as young as his Chinese wife. He was adamant in insisting that his young Chinese wife spoils him rotten.
Canadian and American statistics indicate that most of the marriages of Chinese young women to North American old men end up in divorce.
However, to be fair, some marriages transcend all obstacles to survive.
As for the young ladies who dream about marrying an old Western man, life in those countries is not as luxurious and comfortable as you imagine it to be. You must also differentiate between fiction, which is the foundation of most movies and television series, and actual life. Western men are not as romantic or as gentle as you wish them to be.
The author is a Canadian Egyptian poet and educator
Source: Global Times